The bond of fatherhood
Would like some input and thoughts about my situation
I am a disabled veteran. I got out of the military in 2006. Since i was honorably discharged, i stopped working out and eating right. why? i dieted, starved and shoved suppelments in my body for 9 years, so i felt a couple years of doing what i want and eating what i want, would be good for me. i can honestly say, i enjoyed my couple years break, but this year, i want to begin to be a healthy dad. im not looking to get buff like i use to when i was in the service. well, i found out the other night, my wifey doesnt really want me to loose wieght. her fear is that other women will become interested in me and ruin our relationship. she said im fine the way i am, but i dont feel fine the way i look. its not all about looks, my health isnt great either. so its for the outside and primarily for the inside. so what do you guys think? if the shoe was on your foot, how would you handle it?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by daddaily on
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I would say, that you should go for it. First of all, it is YOUR health. If you want to enjoy your kids and your wife longer, you should take care of your health. It will also give you way more energy. I am sure that it will only have positive effects on your life. Getting back into shape isn't a think you can accomplish within 4 weeks. Take your time, work out, eat healthy and the changes will come gradually. Demand support from you wife. That is probably the best way to come over the fear of jealousy.
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Permalink Reply by SteveH on -
Thanks for your service! Just retired myself with 20 years USAF.
Can I use a couple quotes here?
"You are only as good to others, as you are to yourself."
Increasing your own capability only increases your capacity to give that much more to others. If you are not whole, then you have to give up a part of yourself for others demands, sacrifice. But if you are/feel WHOLE, then you OVERFLOW that giving to others. So, here's the way I see it. She needs to know that you are FAR more valuable to her if you feel good about yourself. Her insecurity about YOU is actually an insecurity within HER.
Take care of yourself, first...and always....you will be able to provide in a much larger capacity.
Hope this helps...if anything, makes you think about it.
Steve
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Permalink Reply by Jim on -
my opinion probably does not matter but do not get too taken up with the worldy look of a lean muscular looking man - your wife is trying to say it is okay not to be some picture perfect person. when you get older yes your body will change and may put on a few pounds but keep up the exercise and do not get too freaky about the lustful looking physique - just stay healthy
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Permalink Reply by Dana on -
Hope it's ok to post here.
1) People who have never been really fit don't understand the pain of being unfit and the hunger to get in shape again. Therefore, unless she's really into some kind of sport, telling her you'll feel a lot better isn't going to sound too credible. You can say it anyway, since it's probably true, but don't expect her to change her response on that basis.
2) It is true that there's some chance other women might be more interested if you get in shape. But it doesn't follow that you're a pushover for any younger woman batting her eyelashes at you. If you were in the military, you know discipline, right? Your wife probably needs to hear a million times that you're not going to cheat on her or leave her, and that you're totally dedicated to raising those kids with her and keeping a happy intact family for the rest of your life. Find some reason why you want to stay with her that doesn't depend on how she looks, because even though telling women they are beautiful helps, and you should say it, they can compare what they see in the mirror with what they see on the street and on TV, and they know you're not with them because they are the most gorgeous woman in the universe. They might think you're with them because they're the most gorgeous woman you were able to attract, and that generates fear that as soon as someone more gorgeous becomes available, you're switching. So give her reasons why that isn't so.
3) Don't position this as about looking better or feeling better. Position it as being there for your family longer, and as being interested in a sport which you are going to play with guys. Be technical about it. Talk about your cardio rate, not your flat abs. Don't get a female workout partner. (duh!) Schedule with her your time to work out so she feels she's part of the decision, not being displaced by the sport. Ask her if she wants to work out with you. If she wants to go for walks or something, do it in addition to whatever else you're doing. Let her come along and watch whenever she wants to. Act into the sport, but not too into it - if she tests you by asking you to cancel a session now and then, do it reasonably cheerfully.
The name of the game is gentle and loving but firm about your intention to get back in shape. You don't have to bow to her irrational fears, but you do need to tell and show her why she's worrying about nothing. If you are smart about how you do it, you can get what you need without awakening the thunder lizard that lurks at the base of every woman's brain and comes rampaging out when she suspects that the relationship is threatened.
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