Wife friends with ex..

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Permalink Reply by SteveH on February 20, 2009 at 1:56am

It's not how WE feel, it's how YOU feel.
Does she know "exactly" how it makes you feel? (We don't know either based on your short question)
Ask her how she would feel if the reverse were happening (in a non accusational way).
Would she "accept" the type of communication if it was happening between you and your ex?

If it's a lemon, call it a lemon. Just the way I see it.
Steve

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Permalink Reply by Layne on March 17, 2009 at 4:31pm

i completely agree!!! flip it, this is how i feel....who's feelings matter more, his or mine?....how would you fell if i was talknig to an ex? and if she says she wouldnt care, give her the look ..like you just called bullsh*t, then say ok. then go back to watching TV and acted like everything is cool. this puts her in the seat, becuase the reaction she accpected was for you to get mad. "the look" lets her know your not stupid. but you starting a fight makes you the insecure a$$hole so kick back and let it cook she'll come around and talk about it.

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Permalink Reply by Kevin Burke on February 20, 2009 at 8:12am

The question is how secure are you in your relationship? Have you asked about it? Did she tell you about it? Those are all the questions that I would ask your self. Then ask her about it. If she lies then I would be worried but the key word here is EX. How ex is he and how long have you been with her?. Sounds harse but how over was her relationship before you 2 got together?. But I wouldn't worry aboout if it is just chat and there is nothing sexual about it. she shared a part of her life with this person and she may want to keep them as a part of her life. I'm friends with most of my ex's. Just cuz we were friends before we dated doesn't mean that we can't be friends again.

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Permalink Reply by Randy Streu on February 20, 2009 at 9:22am

My crazy ex-girlfriend recently came back into my life, thanks to the magic and wonders of Facebook. So, though I don't know exactly what you're going through, my wife does. She's married now, has her own kid... theoretically, it's harmless.

However, out of deference for my wife's feelings, and in order to avoid even the appearance of impropriety (and because, as I said, the ex is more than a little nuts), I'm very limited in how much actual contact I will have with her.

I don't think you'd be unreasonable if you asked for a similar concession from your wife. Explain what your problem with it is... don't, for Heaven's sake, forbid anything... and just ask that she respect your feelings on the matter enough to limit how much contact she has with him.

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Permalink Reply by Rob on February 21, 2009 at 6:27pm

As everybody has said this is more of a how you feel about it and how secure you are in your relationship. If it really bothers you just try to open a dialogue with your wife. This is one of those times to use lots of I feel statements and not so many "You do..." statements. Just try to do it in a nuetral tone and air so no big deal comes of it.

I wouldn't care if my wife was friends with her ex's but that is me, but if she had a problem withme being friends with any of my ex's and brought it up casually Im sure we could work our way through it, with minimal fighting.

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Permalink Reply by Bill on March 13, 2009 at 5:15pm

You ain't just whistlin' dixie, man. My wife has caught up with 2 ex-bf's in the past few weeks, and I'm struggling mightily with it. One was her high school guy for 4 yrs, and the other was college fiance'. The fiance' was the most aggressive issue, with 7 hrs of cell phone time, 25+ texts, and countless hrs of IM'ing on Facebook, all in the span of a week. That's just the one. I "believe" I've convinced her to kick him to the curb, so I'm a little less restless about him, although he IS having his own marital problems which concerns me. As for the high school sweetheart, they don't really talk on the phone, but he'll get 30 min to 2 hrs of IM chats on FB on the average day. It can range form catching up to chit chat to religious discussions. I don't think it's anything sexual, and my wife is actually known far and wide for her loyalty. Still, it brings out a lot of insecurity that I didn't know existed. I've read sites that all say this isn't good, and that a spouse shouldn't have contact with their ex unless it's a necessity. It's just considered poor etiquette. On the other hand, all guys have the notion that saying NO to it is controlling, which I think is politically correct bull. Anyway, I think you should be concerned, ask her to why she feels the need to have the contact (I assume it's got you bothered, or you wouldn't be posting), and finally ask her to stop. That's my advice. Plain and simple.

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