The bond of fatherhood
Fighting with the lady
Has anyone ever felt like they are the scum of the earth to their wife/gf? Lately thats all I have been feeling when it comes to my gf. She is driving me insane. I dont know what or how I can ever make her happy. We had a great relationship until our little boy came along, and now its like nothing is ever good enough for her. I tried to do everything she asked of me, made some mistakes, and tried to correct them, or at least correct myself after. Yet no matter what i do it seems that I can never get back in to her good graces. The mood swings are horrible, we can be talking fine one sec and she is going off on me the next. We went from never having a fight or argument, ever, to all the time. I believe she is going through Post Pardum, but she claims she isnt. I was kicked out of the house with no place to go, and now have to live with my parents and never get to see my son. I try to get him when i can but its never the right time for her it seems, and when I try to work out a way to see him and spend time with him, I am asking too much. What is a guy to do. I dont want to be one of those dead beat dads. I want to be in my childs life as much as I can be, but it feels like I am not on track to be a good father, and not because I dont want to but because I am being derailed. I want things to work out with her and to have my family back again, but it seems like she doesnt want anything to do with it. So I went to file for joint custody but she claims i didnt need to and that i can come see him anytime i want. But i have to work to support him, i cant drive an 2 hrs everyday just to go see him. She lives too far away for that. I just dont know what else to do......
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Daniel on -
well it sucks to hear what your goin through. if i was in that situation i would still file for joint custody. i know how it feels about not making the misses happy. i just recently made the decission of changing jobs and moving to a different state and it pissed my wife off. we have been arguing about it since then. my best advice for you is to try to work things out with her. do anything you possibly can to show her that you care. and talk things out with her.
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Permalink Reply by Charles Ward on -
I have tried all of that, and i still am. I just have to serve the court order to her now. But I am still trying, just seems like she doesnt want to work things out or even try. So i dont know what else to do besides everything i already have
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Permalink Reply by Daniel on
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something that will probably get her to come around is to get joint custody of your son. that might get her to open her eyes. also file a court order where she cant take your son out of state without talkin to you first.
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Permalink Reply by Charles Ward on
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in ny if i have joint custody and she tries to move out of state, all i have to do is call the courts and they will give her a cease and desist order. Since it will effect the joint custody agreement if she does so. Also if she moves out of state without my knowledge she can be charged with kidnapping. Once you have joint custody you can not deny the other their rights at all, if so its concideredkidnapping.
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Permalink Reply by scribo on -
That is really tough, man. I am glad you are going through with filing with the courts. Be very, very sure you are making every effort possible to see your son, especially in the first year of this as she may be tracking how often you miss time with him. The courts are going to want to see that you really want to spend time with your son and that you aren't going through the custody filing just to hurt her. Don't look at it from your point of view, look at it from the judge's.
A two-hour drive? Where does she live? Binghamton? Maybe you can find a job closer.
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Permalink Reply by Charles Ward on
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She lives out in Lyndonville, near albion. So its an hour there and an hour back. I was living with her, but was asked to leave when things got really bad. Then they only got worse. But on the upside things have been alot better since i served her with the joint custody papers. She is going to be coming over to my house this weekend since i am going to be all alone with our son. I have the place to myself so i invited her over for a cookout and maybe a chance for the two of us to talk about things. I am praying that everything goes well. She seems looking forward to it, and i am really excited to be able to spend time with her. I really truly love her with all my heart, but we need to try to work through this first.
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Permalink Reply by Charles Ward on
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And as for finding another job. I have a really good one right now, it doesnt pay great, but it pays alot better then anything out there. And if i keep doing good at this place i may be getting a pay raise soon. I know my boss likes me, i worked there before for him, but was laid off and got a job somewhere else at the time. So things are starting to look up, just got to keep it in prayer and hope that God will bless me.
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Permalink Reply by NewDad2Be on -
keep fighting for joint custody. Dad's have rights too. I don't know what the specifics are around your gfs behavior, but there is absolutely no reason for a good father to be denied seeing his child. Go to court, force her to share custody. Don't let her behavior dictate the relationship between you and your son.
Good luck brother.
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Permalink Reply by LU584Dad on -
You did the right thing in getting joint custody. You i Repeat YOU have to get the court to give you the right to see your child. When you do that you take the power over your child back to an equal playing field. I don't know what you did to piss her off but when it comes to the child (as long as you weren't violent ) she has no RIGHT to play game with your kid.
As of right now you must fight for your kid, don't fall for the periods of nice talk and advert your court proceedings. The court is your best friend, show her your not playing around with your kid AT ALL period. She will get mad and yell and want to fight then when her power starts to dissipate and she see that all her yelling and fight is not working she will start talking about how she still loves you and that you don't have to get legal on her she just want to teach you a lesson or something to that degree RED FLAG RED FLAG RED FLAG don't fall for it continue with the court proceedings anyway. Then HOLD HER ACCOUNTABLE if she still wants to play game and hold her in contempt of court.
I know that this must seem harsh to you but im not good at sugar coding esp. when this is a game that women have played with men and are winning and then want to turn around and call loving fathers dead beats because we fell for there emotional roller coaster and game play. If you still love this Girl fine then you can get back together with her but understand that she is a separate relationship from your child so until that time comes for you to get back together don't play with your child's life.
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